The World According to Bipolar Girl: Part III
NOTE: When I wrote my first draft of this post my friend hadn’t yet responded to my last post to her. It takes me several days to edit when I’m under stress, so I’ve actually heard from her since I wrote this but decided not to change it.
I am really hoping that “no news is good news.” One of the hardest things about making friends in cyberspace is that you might never know if something happened to them. After my friend Gerry tried to kill himself the first time, I thought he was ok. They found him and took him to the hospital. He was supposed to have been ok. They said that he would be ok. Then I got an email from a friend of his who knew of my involvement in his last intervention. Gerry was not ok.
Finding out that he was dead from a person I didn’t even know was devastating. The internet connects us all is so many ways… and yet there are some bridges not even the internet can cross. I worry about the people I meet on line who are struggling with depression. Most of the people I’ve met have it way worse than I do. I am often at a loss for words to know what to say to them, so I stick to speaking from my own life and hope and pray that God will use some of it to help them.
Here is the last part of my friend’s comment to me. As I reread it my heart breaks for her. Telling her to “trust God” seems like an insult. I am certain, without even asking, that she has been praying and crying out to him. She knows that God loves her. That’s what God does. She knows this. She just can’t figure out why her life has to be so craptastic. Her comment strikes me to the core because my life could very well have gone that route. People say that God was faithful to heal me after my surgery. That seems to imply that he was somehow unfaithful to my friend who has not been healed. I don’t have any answers for this and I’m not going to try to tell her what to feel and what not to feel. She is already feeling a lot:
I just had my full hysterectomy 2 1/2 months ago so I’m dealing with some emotional aftermath n it’s made my bipolar flare n everyone who said “I’ll b there for u” who knows of me n my bipolar is sick of me.. N has basically told me to get away.. N I feel alone..
You know that I had my hysterectomy two years ago Saturday so I can understand in part what you are going through. I am so sorry that you are feeling the emotional pain on top of the physical pain. I am so sorry that people you thought would be there for you are not. One thing that did help me for a season was Hystersisters.com. It’s a site for women dealing with hysterectomy pre and post op. There were many women there who shared stories similar to yours. Even if you took the bipolar off the table… the hysterectomy alone is a loaded issue. It takes longer to heal from a hysterectomy than most people would imagine and from the stories I read on the website, it is not uncommon for friends and family to be less than sympathetic.
That, however, was not my experience. My friends were amazing. Eventually all of the attention did drop off… but that’s because people have lives that don’t revolve around me. But I was ok for the most part and people were as there for me as I would allow them to be. That’s why I strongly recommend that you go to Hystersisters.com and connect with other women who will understand where you are coming from better than I. I even connected with other women who had Bipolar. Please check it out. Other than that.. I don’t have much more to say. Because I got to keep my ovaries (WOW! I got to keep my very own ovaries!) I’m not having the problems that you are having so I don’t think I can speak into your pain.
The only real advice I have for you is don’t give up.
Don’t give up on God.
Don’t give up on your friends.
Don’t give up on people.
and hope in God
have been the only
two things that have kept me going.
The hysterectomy was part of my
And since I’m not dead...
the journey is still unfolding.
I must keep going because
the ending will be
than the beginning!