“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” ~Matthew 7:24-27
With all the things that have been coming against me in the past month — this picture pretty much sums up how I feel. And while some might look at the house and feel despair, I take heart. It might be under water… but it’s still standing. I’m not yet at a point where I can blog about what has been going on or what has been thrashing about in my mind. I will say that on top of all of the stuff that was already messing with my head my beloved pastor resigned from the ministry to take care of family issues. I support his decision. I respect him for making the decision, but it is happening at a time when I really need his counsel. Then again, if he’d made the decision a year ago the bottom would have fallen out of my world. I’m definitely able to handle it better now than at any other time in the past. He has been the most influential spiritual leader I’ve ever known and he and his wife have impacted my life so much so that I owe my faith and my life to them.
A year ago I wouldn’t have handled the news well at all, but because of him and the things he taught me about what faith really means I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is in control and that I will eventually move beyond all of the stress and drama that is in my life right now. There aren’t any thoughts of hopelessness. There are definitely no thoughts of suicide. The things that are bothering me today and have been bothering me for the past few weeks will pass. This time next year I’ll be worrying about something else. Dealing with all of this stuff sucks on seven different levels… but my foundation is firm. None of this will be the death of me. My spiritual house might feel a bit waterlogged right now… but it hasn’t fallen. I do not know what to do or what to feel or even what to say… but I know who to turn to and I know that he sees me. It doesn’t make the hurt and the pain go away, but it makes it a lot more bearable.