Bipolar and Fight or Flight
Fight or flight.
It’s a pretty basic human instinct.
We feel it all the time.
I felt it this morning at church.
Which is probably not
Where God intended us to feel it.
I felt the fighting part
I got to church,
I was in a bad mood,
but figured I could keep a
Lid on it.
Seems I figured wrong.
Never was any good at figurin’.
Flunked Math at Berkeley
I didn’t even want to be in church today
And that only got worse once I actually got there.
So much was mashing my buttons this morning
That my fight or flight responses started warring amongst themselves.
I hate when that happens.
I get all crazy trying to
Withstand the internal struggle.
I found myself escaping to the bathroom
where I could wrestle with Jesus in peace.
Then Jesus and I took it outside.
I stood outside the building looking up at the mountain.
Yes, there is a mountain right outside the church with a cross on it.
Not close enough to climb.
Close enough to see.
I did not even have to make up my own metaphor
because God didn’t want me to miss it.
My mountains are nothing to Jesus.
He knows ALL about my mountains.
My car was just a few doors down.
I could just get in it and go.
I’d feel like crap if I did…
but running is ALWAYS an option.
Jesus will always let you run if you are intent on running.
Of course, he’ll always be there when you decide to turn around.
I didn’t look up at the cross on the mountain again,
But I knew it was there.
The cross is always closer than the exit.
I do not know what Jesus said to make me turn and go back in…
But I’m glad he said whatever he said.
The message was meant for me.
Everything the speaker was saying,
I have said.
The very “rightness” of it all…?
I know truth when I hear it.
It has way of lifting burdens you didn’t even know
That you were carrying.
I’d have missed out if I’d left.
I know it and
He helped me diffuse the internal
Bomb that was me.
He deactivated the
Flight or fight response.
He reminded me that the only way
to cope with this current season
in my life
is to draw a line in the sand,
plant my feet, and stand firm